One of my most feared fears, Is to face the reality and all these insanities. I know.. I'm such a coward for not accepting the reality in front of me. My mind keep on making reasons. I remember this song whenever I'm on my fatal stage..

FAVOR ( By : True Worshippers )
Verse 1: 
There is a song in every silence 
There is a dawn in every darkness
There is a hope in every pain
There is a spring in every winter 
Even in doubt there is believing 
Through every season 
You are near
 
Chorus:
Oh Your favor 
and Your grace Lord
Last a lifetime 
Last a lifetime
 
Verse 2: 
You satisfy our deepest hunger 
You broke the bond and set us free 
You gave us life eternally
Jesus the name that calms our fears
Only in You our sorrows cease 
Your love has won and now we see
 
Back to Chorus
Vamp: 
Hallelujah 
You are faithful 
You are faithful'

It strengthens me.. yes.. this verse.. : 

There is a song in every silence 
There is a dawn in every darkness
There is a hope in every pain
There is a spring in every winter 
Even in doubt there is believing 
Through every season 
You are near

and this one  :

You satisfy our deepest hunger 
You broke the bond and set us free 
You gave us life eternally
Jesus the name that calms our fears
Only in You our sorrows cease 
Your love has won and now we see

I'm just being a completely idiot in facing such a problem like this. I wonder why did God gave me this kind of heart ?? If I could choose.. I would choose my own path.

The first verse's point is :
There's a rainbow after this rain..
Too connotative ?
Well.. in another words :
There's a settlement after problems..
The wall appears.. but there's always a way to demolish it..

All these these feelings I recently felt... are just some of God's uniquely awesome ways to shape me. Though It hurts.. like hell.. like the end of the world has came.. like being stabbed right on my chest.

God.. you are sure more than capable to broke this bond that binds me too overly tight. Remember when You healed me in my 4th year of Elementary School. When doctors said that It was impossible for me to live although if I live, I'm going to be an idiot. But You prove them wrong.. You gave my Dad power.. You gave Your promise in Psalms41:4. Now I have to deal with these things... :') I believe You are more than capable.. You hear my prayer.. and answer it even before I pray. You know my tears before they fall.. You know all hidden things in my heart.. that I don't even know. These things are too much painful for me to bear.. ( According to my human POV ). But You said that.. You would never give more than I could bear. So I decided to believe Your words over my feelings. Sometimes I become such an arrogant human being. But You forgive.. You understand.. unlike those other people.. You heal me.. You renew me. There's nothing better to ask from You.. Your presence.. Your love.. It was all that strengthen me through this.