I Need to Let These All Out

By 2:57 PM , , ,

As the sun shone this morning, and as the pain came from my monthly woman's pain a.k.a period, I thought I didn't feel like I wanna go to work today. But finally I thought it over then I realized that I have several responsibilities to do. Finally I ended up with eating 2 pieces of pepperoni pizza with all the office workers. Oh God, it's such two pieces of heaven, I haven't eaten pizza for so long :D.

Everything is going fine, and guess what ?? Tomorrow is March, M-A-R-C-H, so it means the month for my TCC's annual Holy Spirit Revival event. Phew... I don't feel like I've passed a year from my last HSR. So many things happened, it feels like a super speed motion movie. It feels like yesterday.

I wonder " What would this HSR event be ? " since I had not so pleasant HSR because some problems with the guy in my past last year. *sigh* I don't want to do anything stupid again this year, I mean uncontrollably do something without readily face the feedback in future. I guess staying silent is the best of the best thing that I can do.

The people start to judge me from my outer appearance again. I wonder " What the hell is their
problem ? " this is my body, my face, and my hair, why do they complain so much about it all ? I'm proud because I inherited both of my mother and father's gene in my hair, It looks beautifully wavy to me. But people keep judging me that they hate my hair, they said that my hair is a big mess, dry, unruly, abandoned and etc.. But haven't they touch my hair ? It's softer and more texturized than most of my friends and my hair is not untangable.  It's  true that sometimes I feel like I don't want to put some nice blouses and skirts to replace my beloved baggy T-shirts and Jeans, and it's true that I don't have constant will to do straighten my hair with flat iron everyday. I'm not a tomboyish, but I'm not too feminine either. I think there's a right time and place to do things above. I love myself the way I am and honestly I don't feel like I'm me whenever I tried to beautify my looks. Soo, I prefer my baggy clothes, no buts.. I've lost my weight from 65 to 54 which is a difficult thing for most of the people and they still protesting about how fat I looked like. Gosh ! I'm pretty normal !! I know that God is controlling how much calorie intake each day and He controls my appetite too. Everything is under the control of God's eyes. I don't have to worry in body.

I know that everything happens for a reason. All the circumstances in this world, all the events that are happening now, are under His control. I know He watches me.. and He knows me well more than everyone. All the pressure I got from people around me shed my tears even more. But in this typical condition, I see His hands working. He leads me until this point, where everything is starting to be more crystal clear. I'm facing my biggest weakness this time. And it draws me nearer to Him. I wanna scream and tell this weakness to sod off.. I'm honestly uncomfortable, insecure, and unstable. Until I start asking Him " What's your plan behind all this mess ? " , I'm curious.. but curiosity killed the cat. I'm start approving this challenge then pass through it.

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