By 8:12 PM , , , , , , , , , ,

Does it feel like this ??
Whenever you're being the bigger sister, you need to bear it..
People's expectations are just so damn high..
Whenever they compare me to my sibling..
Favoritism towards my sibling is just so painful to bear..
Yes, she always implicitly says how better my sister is..
I try to pretend and just keep being silent about it..
I always spend my time in my room and cry myself until I fall asleep..
But as I grow up, I begin questioning whether my mom loves me or not.
I do love my sister.. We always have a great time together..
But the way my mother treats me is really painful..
I'm not really close with my mother
She is the one who causes my awkwardness ever since I was a little girl
She always scolds me and offense me with unreasonable reason
She often implies that I'm uglier than my sister
I'm just so sick of this favoritism
I hope I can get out of this house ASAP
I need to find myself ASAP
I'm tired, really tired
I feel like I'm alone in this family, despite the fact that God is with me..
Why does everything have to be unfair for me ?
My mother hates me whenever I do something better than her..
She always follows my skincare routine
She always follows my preference of anything yet she insults me the most
She has always been so jealous of me -_- that's really stupid
And in the pas she compared me with my friends
I just hate her hypocrisy
I understand that favoritism is a real thing
I was just too naive to find it true
This day, I've seen it so clearly
But I'm thankful because I'm not really dependent on my mother
Thx Lord..
But sometimes I just want to be selfish..
Is that so wrong ? for a daughter like me ??

People think that I'm ugly and fat, to be honest it makes me down sometimes.
But hearing it implicitly from your mother is just so painful

At least I finally accept myself like I've written in my previous posts.

I just hope I can get out of this house ASAP
Walking with God and face everything without having to worry about my mother's snide remarks
Just lead me to go through it all, God

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